The Death of Harry Potter
by Seal of Darkness
Summary: Our brave hero, Lord Voldemort, finally stands triumphant in the face of adversity and his dreams come to fruition through the flawless execution of 'The Plan.' Irony/Parody/1-Shot


**I do not own Harry Potter.**

**This is a random idea...I typed it while bored and thought it a little amusing. I'm sick of all the people writing stuff about Harry being over glorious, triumphant in the face of grave danger and overcoming insurmountable obstacles with greatest ease, only to shine though at the end of the day by offing Voldemort. Why can't it be the other way around for a change? Or at least a scenario that occurs a little more often than in one or two of the 30k+ fanfics I've ever read. Enjoy, hate, whatever you like; I wash my hands of it.  
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Voldemort stared down at his servants as they cowered around him in fear, some choosing to stand with an air of strict discipline. "Today, is the day," he whispered over their backs as he circled around them, drawing their eyes when he stopped in front of them, "Harry Potter shall die, once and for all. No more will I have to live in the shadow of that wretched boy's haphazard, dimwitted luck." The night's wind blew across the opening softly, rustling the Dark Lord's robes slightly as he paused for dramatic effect.

"Lucius, you remember my plans?" Voldemort regarded one of his most prized Death Eaters with a hint of an evil eye. Lucius nodded in silence, prepared to do whatever his lord asked of him in executing, 'The Plan.'

"Very good," Voldemort was pleased to see such determined loyalty, "Execute, The Plan." They all bowed in succession, Lucius taking charge of a group and calling out others of the Inner Circle to do the same. Sounds of apparition were heard within the small clearing, quickly followed by silence. Once surrounded by the solitude of the clearing, the Dark Lord did grin.

However, once the Dark Lord realized that Harry Potter and his little goons were ready for his unannounced attack, the grin disappeared. Actually, the grin had disappeared long before his servants could catch a glance, but that's not the point. Furious at their preparations, he charged in behind his human shields, er, servants as they traded curses with members of the Order.

Voldemort stomped through the flying curses, somehow managing to bypass each one while everyone else dodged and returned fire around him, making him look even more bad ass.

Suddenly, a sickly purple spell shot out of someone's wand, and it headed straight towards Voldemort, but the Dark Lord was prepared, '_For I am totally bad ass,_' he thought to himself with a sly smirk, deflecting the spell with a flick of his wand. Voldemort frowned at the thought and pondered in the midst of battle, '_Did I seriously just say that to myself? I must be loosing it in the head._'

Our brave hero dismissed these thoughts and quickly resumed his furious walk towards Harry Potter. When Voldemort was within range, he aimed his wand right at Harry Potter, but just as he was about to shoot off a killing curse, his wand went flying. He turned his head to death glare at the offending person.

"Oh my gosh, I'm so –" but then Tonks realized who she was apologizing to. "Oh, nevermind. It's you." She launched a flurry of curses at the Dark Lord, who grabbed a nearby person and used them as a human shield to block the furious witch's curses while he searched for his wand.

Voldemort picked up his wand quickly and shot off a killing curse after Harry, but the boy began to run away. He unfortunately missed, but that was okay, '_I meant to miss him, it's cool,_' Lord Voldemort justified to himself while quickly regaining his composure and resuming the chase. Once again, he found that his thought processes were beginning to severely disturb him.

Voldemort entered number 12 Privet Drive, completely bypassing the blood wards because it was all part of 'the plan.' He rounded the corner and found Harry Potter and his little cronies panicking in the kitchen while Dumbledore handed them all brooms, assuring them that they were going to live and that it'll all be okay.

"Everything is fine, just remain calm and mount your brooms. Professor Sprout will be waiting for you just in front of the bend. You all know where that is correct?" The children nodded their heads vigorously and took the brooms from their esteemed headmaster.

Voldemort stepped into view and aimed his wand at the group, "Now, now, there really is no need to remain calm at this time. Lay the brooms away from you, and the only person to get hurt will be Potter."

Hermione was furious and stepped in front of Harry to shield him from any attacks as she further antagonized the Dark Lord that was much more powerful and knew many more spells than she. Voldemort tired of her rambling pleas and quickly summoned duct tape to cover her mouth. "Try ripping that off Miss Granger," he threatened, a look of sadistic glee crossing his face.

Dumbledore used a vanishing spell for the duct tape and shielded the children, telling them to make their escape while they still could. Voldemort frowned and thought solemnly, '_That was good duct tape! Curses, foiled again!_' Dumbledore boomed, distracting the greatest wizard of all time from his sour thoughts, "You shall not harm them Tom, not whilst I'm here."

Voldemort sighed with impatience and shrugged, "Okay," and shot a killing curse at Dumbledore, who could not move out of the way to dodge it to save his own life since it would end up killing one of the children that chose to remain behind him. The Dark Lord stared down at Dumbledore's dead corpse and frowned, "Well, that was easier than I thought it would be. And a completely anti-climactic fail in terms of epicness."

Harry ran out the back door and mounted his broom, his friends not to far behind him. Voldemort was hot on the boy's heels and stole one of the extra brooms. When they lifted to the sky for their getaway, the Dark Lord started throwing curses at them in a high speed broomstick chase. Harry threw a few spells behind him, keeping most of his attention to the skies ahead.

Hermione, in a flurry of utter ingenuity, transfigured a bird that was passing by into a brick wall in mid air; it unfortunately followed the rules of gravity. "Shit, I forgot I was flying on this wretched contraption," Hermione cursed into the howling wind. Voldemort took his chance and sent flame spells at each of their brooms, forcing them all to the ground.

They had, apparently flown all the way to the White Cliffs of Dover. Voldemort tied Ron and Hermione up and tossed them off to the side where he shouldn't be bothered by them, since they were considered sidekicks, as he engaged Harry in a one-on-one duel of epicness.

With nowhere to hide, they traded curses mercilessly, the waves crashing against the cliffs below and lightening crackling through the sky. When it looked as if all hope was lost, and Harry had Voldemort disarmed on the ground at wand point, the Dark Lord reached out to Harry's emotions, saying, "Harry, I am your father."

Harry looked stricken for a moment, and then replied critically, "Bull shit, you can't just rip off Star Wars like that." Our hero used that moment to rip the wand out of Harry Potter's hand and use it against him. By that point in time, Lucius Malfoy had already arrived on the scene. "Excellent timing Lucius. Do you have the Secret Weapon?"

"Yes, my Lord," Lucius purred, getting on his knee and presenting the weapon to his master with great confusion. "Perfect, conjure a tree and a horse, and lets get this over with," Voldemort ordered sternly. The tree was grown with an extremely dark and powerful magic spell that Voldemort had taught Lucius a long time ago for shits and giggles.

The leaves of the tree glittered beautifully as the lightening flashed across the sky, and the horse that had been conjured was one of purest white, a fine breed. Voldemort attached the Secret Weapon to one of the tree branches, and finally around Harry's neck as the boy sat upon the horse. The Dark Lord allowed himself a moment or two of evil maniacal laughter, "Buwah ha ha ha ha ha!"

"You'll never get away with this Voldemort," Harry shouted his final ultimatum, "I will be back! And when I am-"

Then, the Dark Lord used a spell to vanish the horse and extended the branch out just enough over the cliff. After the last gurgling whines and movements left the boy, Voldemort stood there contemplatively with his most trusted servant. "This was The Plan all along, my Lord?" Lucius asked in horror as he observed the final work.

"Yes, and it worked out quite marvelously, having about it, an air of slight irony. That Harry Potter should get killed by a cliff hanger."


End file.
